In Bihar, 918 dowry deaths were reported last year, as compared to 1,210 in 2008.Second highest in india
While it is illegal for a dowry to be offered or accepted, it still exists. A girl's family has to pay for the boy's family to take the girl as their son's bride. The richer the girl's family is, the higher the asking price. Some girls have been punished by the groom's family if her dowry is not large enough, or slow in coming. Women aren't second class citizens in some areas of India, they are considered less than live stock.
The ugly face of dowry related crimes within the high walls domesticity, where brides are burnt for dowry, and female children squashed in the wombs of the mothers – gave birth strict anti-dowry laws listed in Article 498 A of the Indian Penal Code. Effective police action and increased social awareness of the evil effects of the practice of dowry, has done much to diminish its popularity. But dowry still persists in many parts of the country and is one of the main reasons of domestic abuse.

Dowry started as custom in the upper classes of Indian society, but became the bane of all classes and communities with time. Sanctioned dowry stimulates the emotion of greed, in man and undermines the true purpose of matrimony. Joint families are still a part of Indian society. An Indian girl marries to become a part of the boy’s extended family, unlike western countries where the man and woman marries to live alone and create their own financial independence. The social definition of family in India places an added burden on the girl’s family to pay a dowry. All dowry demands are made verbally in the form of customs and rituals, and these demands continue indefinitely beyond the extent of the wedding date. An inability to cater to these demands, then leads to domestic violence and abuse.

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Even well-educated families demand dowry from girls and harrass her badly till she dies. If girls take first step and refuse to get married to boy who takes dowry and if she is married and her in-laws demand dowry, get them arrested for Dowry and if boys take a firm decision and become bold and tell their parents that he would not take dowry from girl's parents, would this help to stop dowry deaths? Do you think the first step is to be taken by the girl in India ? Any other suggestions..(Please dont discuss about how women misuse Dowry Act. Many lawyers give wrong advice to women to earn money, irrespective of their situation).*In Rural areas, women still are following purdha system and tolerating injustice.
 we want to know how to stop this system. If some boys take dowry because they feel that it would remain as girl's money. It does not happen. Asking for Dowry is like begging And those who beg once, will do that forever.- it does not stop. At every Indian Festival or when a child is born, all relatives of the boy will need something like gold, cash, sarees, gifts... ..... from girl and girl's parents... Does this mean that boys feel that they cannot take up responsibility for that girl, whom he married as a life-partner. Those who are unable to become Self-Sufficient and become Financially independent or simply are greedy will ask for Dowry. But those boys who are responsible and know that they can manage their expenses and respect women, will not ask for Dowry from girl or her parents. And even if girl's parents want to take dowry or any gift to their daughter, will refuse. A family who believes in equality and respecting women, will not ask for Dowry!!!!

I wish only if more and more girls could take a stand not to marry a guy who demands dowry. From my personal experience, I know and have gone through this. I am a well educated girl with a nice job, infact much better than most of the guys whose proposals came in for me. However, there was one common factor in most of the guys, which was all of them wanted a dowry. They were as educated as me and working with good companies. You know what impression I got of those guys? Well, to me I thought they were fakes. They did not have the capacity to earn and make a comfortable lively hood. I was shocked how could guys who have done engineering or MBA and could still think of asking for a dowry. They were ready to sell themselves off in the marraige market. Obviously a girl who will get you a dowry has brought in enogh money, which if kept in a bank will fetch her good interest to make a good livelihood without having to go out and work like the guys. So imagine for yourself, what she must be thinking of you and how much respect would you hold in her and her families eyes. All the respect you still seem to be getting is therefore only superficial :D

I want to ask all those guys-aapka koi zameer, koi aatma sanman nahi hai kya? even when your parents ask for it, they are actually trading you off. They are not looking at the girl, they only want money. so what happens to the guys life is not their concern. The guy just becomes a cash cow for the parents. Haan ladka hua, toh iski shaadi karke hume dahej milega. Ladki hui toh dahej dena padega....pathetic isn't it?

Guys please wake up. Please learn from Maharashtra in this repsect, jahan ladka ladki dono shaadi ka kharcha mil kar uthathe hain. Aur wahan ladka ho ya ladki parents ko koi farak nahi padta, kyunki everyone is taught to take care of themselves. Every girl and boy is asked to be independent. Ladki kisi pe bhoj nahi hoti.

I think aap sab jitna bhi growth and development chahte hain, uska root cause sayad isi mudde main chuppa basa hai. Ek state jo ladkiyon ko barabari dena se katraye, girl education ko promote na kare, dahej jaisi kupratha ko khushi khushi aage badhaye....us state ko bas bhagwan hi bachaye! Apni soch ko aage badhayiye.....

I am proud of my parents who didn't adhere to this thought process and allowed me all the education and opportunities I desired for. Today I am successful and married to an equally educated and well off guy. I am proud of my husband as well. He showed me that not all the guys are alike. Some have the guts in them to choose a partner for himself rather a cash rish family who can buy him!

Progressive thinking is a state of mind!

I am agree with ur view.girl should not marry with the boys who demands for dowry.our society should discourage this type of system.Groom's father selling their sons lke animal.if they selling their son .why their son responsible for fathers . he must be responsible for grooms parents. because they purchased him

@Puja ji

I belive Bihar men lacks Guts, although People say maximum number of IAS and IPS are Bihari boys but Can you name a single IAS, IPS who is famous for his good work at National level, infact most of the IAS, IPS are famous of Maharashtra, infact IPS Shivdeep Lande a Marathi Manus doing good work in Bihar, infact he also donates 60 to 70% of his money to an NGO in Akola of Maharashtra, although I don't like that "Deshdrohi Raj Thakre" beating People of Bihar and Uttar Pradesh but in a lot of ways Maharashtrians are better than current genreation of Biharis, If you ever go to Maharashtra, you will see Marathi guys are well aware of their history, right from the time of De4vgiris rule to Shivaji Maharaj rule to modern times of Veer Savarkar, even a 9 year old Marathi girl is aware of Maharashtra's history whereas you see in Bihar, how many of Biharis knows their correct history??

90% of Biharis don't know that India's greatest ruler Samrat Ashoka was a Bihari, Acharya Chankaya, Chandragupta Maurya, Vatsayan, Aryabhatt all these Great men were Biharis. Most of these dowry driven rascal men don;t even bother to learn from their forefathers, during Mauryan Era, there was no dowry. In my home town Patna, 1 gentleman told my father that Ramesh, an unemployed man got 15 lakhs in dowry indicating these days prices of men are high. But I have a firm stand in choosing a groom. He has to be educated, intelligent and morally responsible. Such a man who loves money more than my dignity can go and marry a concunbine. I am not made for such losers. And Yes, being a Bihari girl, I urge all Biharis Girls to stop marrying men who ask for dowries.

@ Ranjan ji

Ranjan ji, Thank you again for bringing such a wonderful topic again for the development of Bihar and our People. I personally believe not only boys but their parents are also responsible for dowries and even boy's mother sasu maa(mother-in-law of girl) is very much interested in taking dowries. And that too when she is herself a woman. It hardly gives me any pleasure to say this thing, "Today Woman has only failed to understand another Woman", I have seen older women mother-in-laws pressuring their daughter-in-law to have a male child to continue their genreation or vansh and if a girl child is born, the mother is abused and warned if next time girl will come, we will drop the child or do female-foeticide. Shameful. Disgraceful. Annoying.

Another reason given by these generation of older women is that "Hamari khud ki beti hai, unse kya koi bina dahej ke shaadi kar lega, hamein uski bhi dahej ke liye paise chahiye, hum kuch galat nahi kar rahe hai", in such cases only when girl comes into family, she breaks the family by going away from the joint family to nuclear family because educated girls like today's generation can't live in such an environment.

I would like to have more views of girls from "People of Bihar Group" to comment on such an importnat topic.

Thanks.

@ Puja ji

I agree on your point "Men who take dowry have no self-esteem and self-Respect". Yes, Dowry is the greatest problem of Bihar and I don't know whether dowry exists in Maharshtra or not but Yes, Maharshtrians are not Escapists, they don't run away from their state, that is why "Maharshtra is more developed than Bihar", but the greatest problem of Marathi Manus is that they are still living in Era of Shivaji Maharaj that too 350 years old. And they have a misconception that they are a superior Race which is obviously born from the deeds of Shiva Maharaj but not from the present generation of Maharashtrians. There is 1 good thing of Biharis, we don't live in History, we don't boast about our forefather Chandragupta Maurya win over Macdonian warrior Seleucus Nicator and all that jazz. We live in present.

Yes, I agree that a lot of Bihari youths are spineless and can't dare to break this dowry-system but there are good guys also who are Idealistic and never take dowry. The basic problem which I have observed in Biharis is that once when they gain money, they become opportuists but you see, a Bihar man who is Idealistic would be the Greatest Idealistic person of India. And, I believe without Girls standing against dowry, this menace can't end. Also, Bihar Men has to decide whether they want a respectable life partner or her father's money.

@ Tina ji

I never knew you also had a crush on Marathi IPS Shivdeep Lande :PPPPPPPPPP , you can go to araria, it is only 8 hours from your home town Patna and marry him, I mean propose him.........hahahhaha.



nice Puja...got a excellent guy..... tell him that someone was praising him for his non Dowry marriage ....

ha ha nice prank Aakash.......

ok I want to know the exact meaning of Dahej... means mai jab bhi logo se kahta hu ki mai koi dahej nahi lunga...kuch bhi nahi...not even a pie.... gar ladki ka father dega to shadi k lie NO kar dunga bt dahej nahi lunga....mujhe kuch bahut interesting baten sunne ko mili...aplogo ko bhi batana chaunga....

1. gar ladki ka pita kuch deta hai apni marji se to wo dahej nahi hai... dahej to wo hai jo hum mangte hai....(kaun pita apni beti ko khali haath bhejega, use hamesha darr rahega ki kahi baad me ladka uski beti ko dahej k nam pe harrash na kare....)

2. ghar ka saman, gadi ,bunglow wagerah to dahej nahi hai...ye to gift hai ladki ko.....(ohhhh paisa nahi chahiye bt goods chaiye jarur)

3..meri mother bhi meri non Dowry se agree hai bt wo kahti hai ki gar nahi logo to log ye jarur kahenge ki ladke me jarur koi kami hai tabhi dahej nahi le raha hai....I also agree to my mother coz maine ye sab dekha bhi hai.... bt hum dowry fir bhi kisi halat me nahi lenge...

4. hum to apni beti k liye paise juta rahe hai apne bete ka dahej le k.......( meri bhi 1 bahan hai but mai to bas 1 adad ladka dhund raha huna ki notes ka bundle nahi....

....

...

..

meri baato se mere gharwale(not my parents and sis) naraj aur gussa bhi hai...but mai unhe dahej na lene, caste se bahar shadi karne,only 1 or max 2 child (may b both girl) etc ki baaten kar k unhe khub teas karta hoon.... waise meri to price bhi laga di hogi gharwalo ne...ha ha ha ha.... A doctor is available for sale(I mean marriage), jitna ucha laga sako laga lo...ha ha ha ha.....

NDTV ka 1 Biharwasi reporter Ravish kumar ne apne twitter account pe logo se req kiya ki jo log bhi dowry liye hai ya lene ki soch rahe hai wo plz unke account se bahr ho jaye....a nice step......

gud Aakash.ha ha ha

@ Tarkeshwar

Exactly sahi kaha doctor sahab aapne, agar hum dahej nahi lenge toh log kahenge ki ladka meikuch kami hai........aise hi mahaan logo ki wajah se bihar mahan ban gaya hai.......waise aap Doctor hai tab aapki keemat kam se kam 20 lakh toh hogi hi.........hahahahaha

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